South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault & Family Violence

Road to recovery

For Female Survivors, Male Survivors

Tags: Survivor's Stories

The rocky road to recovery, I see it before me and it looks so steep and dangerous, this road I'm meant to travel, so long and so high and lonely.
Hell I'm scared, what if I can't ? it looks so hard and dark, I might die going up there, it's full of pitfalls and traps.
Will I make it ? Will I survive. Well I have so far what's stopping me now ?

I'll tell you what! That bloody demon, (we all have one) For lack of a better name we'll call him Greaser, That's my image greasy and dirty.
He always seems to find me on my journey up that bloody road and he constantly pushes me backwards. For every hundred steps I take, he pushes me back thirty, but I figure it's lees than halfway backwards so if I keep going eventually I will reach the top.

But god it's hard and very damn tiring fighting those steps one at a time only to have some greasy s***head try and stuff things up.
But many things I am and one of them is stubborn, so keep on pushing Greaser you bastard . I'm used to being pushed around.

Just when I thought my life would never get any better, along came my Guiding Light to show me things I never knew were real and that I never knew could be so good.
She told me to hold on, no matter what don't give in, hold on to something to make that journey just that little bit easier, so I did, I held on to her.

She kept on telling me to believe in her, no matter what Greaser said, believe in her. They say as humans when in danger we have a response to either fight or flight, and for a long time I just flew as fast as my little wings would carry me.
But not anymore, I have a new plan of attack thanks to Guiding Light, and it involves a little pain on my part.

I am going to stand up and fight back, give Greaser the damn hiding he deserves and tell him to get out of my way as I'm climbing this bloody hill
And your not going to damn well stop me. So move or we will walk right over the top of you,
So when I feel like it's all too much and I want to take a rest, Guiding Light stands in front of me and stares Greaser right in the eyes and says if you want her you will have to get around me first.
I never thought I deserved a Guiding Light but I'm learning that I do, she came into my life twelve years ago and has stood in front of me guarding me.
Behind me, pushing me up that hill when I could go no more and holding my hand when the way was sometimes clear.

She asked me to trust her and I did, and guess what ? She is still here, but so is Greaser, and although I know she will never let hurt me again while she still breathes, I also know that it is time for me to go on and take the things she has taught me to push myself up that that hill and take back what is rightfully mine... My life !

It will be a hard slog but with Guiding Light beside me, my stubbornness in hand and a few extra friends along the way.
I think we will make it, No, I know I will make it, I won't give up because that's what Guiding Light has taught me, don't give up, don't give in, don't let Greaser win because he does not deserve it but I sure as hell do !!!!

Jo D

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