South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault & Family Violence

How My Ship was Sailing

For Female Survivors, Male Survivors

Tags: Survivor's Stories

(Names have been changed)

I remember how my ship was sailing – blue skies all around
A marriage on the horizon, and new family to be found.
A teenage girl’s dream of new beginnings,
Idealistic expectations of a happy family
A stepbrother and a stepsister meant to be
To fill the gap between Lee, Susan and me. 

The dream of always wanting to live on a farm
Was coming true, and even a horse to ride.
Little did I know then what lay on the dark side.
All I ever wanted was a happy family
And a stepfather to be a father
But my ship was sailing and my dreams were quickly drowned. 

How hard it is when innocence is stolen
When hunted and preyed upon no matter what the cost
The cost was huge, and my blue sky future was lost
New companions now sailed with me –
Fear, isolation, a burden of shameful secrets
And depression, the depths of which stunned me. 

A mother’s message – she knew what was happening
And for me she would do nothing
Apart from heap the blame on me.
Now the game was happy families no matter what the cost
And for you, Jenny, play by the rules
He gets his sex, she gets her silence, and the Jenny I knew was lost.

My ship still sails on altered course –
No husband, no children – the original dream.
My past is dark and travels with me
How I long for what would have been
Had my stepfather been a father
Instead of a thief taking my life from me. 

Jenny

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