Sex in the new millenium: information about sex for teenage boys
For Young People
This article is written for men and assumes a male offender, however SECASA acknowledges that both men and women can be survivors of sexual abuse and that offenders can be male and female.
A joint WECASA - SECASA project.
Sex and relationships are fun, exciting and full of risks. Remember these four things:
- RESPECT: Trust and closeness won't happen without respect. Your partner has feelings about how they're treated. Everyone deserves respect, yourself included!
- CONSENT: The law states that sex without consent is rape. Consent is saying yes to sex without pressure or force.
- MUTUALITY: Sex is meant to be good for both partners. When you want the same things at the same time, it's mutual. It is PRESSURE free sex, GUILT FREE sex, enjoyable and safe sex, for both partners.
- COMMUNICATE: Check out if she feels free to say yes or no to sex, or what you feel like doing. Silence on her part doesn't mean consent. And because KISSING doesn't always mean sex is next, it's just as well to ask.
It's normal to feel curious about sex, as well as confused. Here's some handy info on what the law says about sex:
Any uninvited or unwanted sexual comments, or touching, or penetration is sexual violence, and is against the law.
The SURVIVORS of rape and abuse often feel pain, rage, self blame, shame, fear, and sexual confusion. NO ONE EVER DESERVES, OR WANTS TO BE RAPED.
It's getting easier to be you!
Sexuality and intimacy are big parts of your life, and you deserve to feel good about who you are. Sometimes this means having the courage to accept yourself, even if it means being different.
You're ready to do it but she wants to wait a while
Chill. Respect her choice. Intercourse isn't all there is to sex and relationships.Some of your mates are telling you what you should do.
Listen to her. Listen to yourself. What feels right for both of you?
You hear more lies than truth about guys and sex. It's like everyone is doing it but you.
Hey, there's no race. Talk about it. Do it when you're both ready;
You think you'll have to use pressure to have sex with her.
If she says no, she means it. Sex without consent is rape.
You've never talked one to one about life, sex and relationships with anyone.
Try talking to someone you trust who knows about these issues.
You don't think you're as good as the other guys.
Give yourself more credit. It's a sure bet the other guys envy your talents too.
Surfing and safe sex
Nobody wants a sexually transmitted infection or an unplanned pregnancy. Rolling on a condom takes a moment and prevents you, and your partner, catching Herpes, AIDS, or other nasties. It's easy to feel good about yourself when you are doing what's right for yourself and others. Nobody surfs without a leg rope - if they did they'd lose their board. Lose your surf board, ya can't surf. Safe sex, great surfing. Cool!
How do you know when she wants to kiss?
It was the best day. Mick and Alicia had been sun baking and surfing all afternoon. They were now so hungry, that they stuffed themselves full of hot fish and chips. As the sun began to set they ate the last chips and with the taste of salt in his mouth, Mick's thoughts turned to kissing Alicia.
Sitting opposite each other, with their knees touching, she looked at him and down again. He was sure this was one of the signs that a girl wanted to kiss.
"I really like you", she said.
"There's proof", he thought. He leant closer to her, stopping suddenly to fold the chip paper instead. "What if she didn't want to kiss him? Maybe she just wants to be friends?" He hated to think they wouldn't be on together, especially with the other guys having girlfriends and stuff. "Just kiss her you idiot."
Then he remembered that a girl at school, in photography, did a photo display all about sexual harassment. Now Mick was really confused not wanting to frighten, embarrass or offend Alicia.
Alicia looked at his lips and he blurted out, "Do you want to kiss? I mean tell me if that's not how you feel about me, or if you're not ready..."
Nodding, she smiled, and leaned forward a little; then they kissed.
Kissing your date isn't about her giving in to you. You, Mick and Alicia all have a right to freely consent to sexual intimacy.
Hey, you don't have to tough anything out alone. Solutions and support are just a phone call away.
Check out the links or contact SECASA