Dilemmas of working with young men
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Given what has been said so far, it is not surprising that many young men are terrified of counselling. In coming to counselling, or disclosing to another friend or worker, young male survivors must often risk being disbelieved, shamed, overwhelmed by feelings, judged, misunderstood, and having many of their worst fears confirmed e.g. 'I must be gay because my body enjoyed it', 'It was my fault' or 'I will become an abuser'. They must also choose to begin the often painful and uncertain journey of acknowledging to themselves and another person the impact of what happened. This task is coupled with the fears of disclosure and its impact on their sense of self, family, reputation and relationships. In fact I believe that for many young male survivors the very idea of acting in the world to obtain emotional support is profoundly unfamiliar and shameful. Manner states about survivors of sexual assault in general:
The survivor has generally had to operate in a retroflective mode, doing everything for (him/her self, because support (nurturance, help, validation) was either unavailable or dangerous, in that it made him/her vulnerable to further abuse or invalidation (1995: 20).
Of course, the impact of dominant message about masculinity is not the only factor that contributes to young men avoiding support. The experience of secrecy can also be influenced by the messages internalised from the abuser, one's developmental capacity to know oneself, the intensity of the trauma, the degree of threat and violence used by the abuser, and post abuse denial or lack of support from significant others (Kepner, 1995; Briere, 1996).
For young male survivors, the decision to come to counselling involves doing the opposite of what their survival needs and dominant constructions of masculinity encourage them to do. So how do we support young men to do something that violates these gender injunctions, and asks them to be vulnerable, trusting, open, and to reveal their worst ideas about themselves? This is a major challenge of the work I do!
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Copyright Updated: 28 Aug 2009
The South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault acknowledges the traditional Aboriginal owners of country throughout Victoria. We pay our respects to them, their culture and their Elders past, present and future.