Understanding and working with young male survivors of SA

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In this article I will share some of the ideas that I have found useful in understanding and working with young men who have experienced sexual assault. These ideas have emerged from a synthesis of my own developing thoughts, and those of numerous co workers, writers and contributors in the field of sexual assault, masculinity studies, feminist discourse, narrative therapy and other contemporary psychotherapies, particularly Gestalt therapy, which I mainly practice. In particular, it has been the young men I have worked with who have been most helpful in teaching me how to work with them. These ideas about working with young men are of course still in process, and open to new ideas and feedback. Also, I imagine that many of the ideas shared in this article pertain not just to young male survivors, but also to victim/survivors of sexual assault in general.

When working with young men, I consider it important to hold a perspective that is holistic. This includes keeping in mind both the internal (emotional, cognitive, physical, developmental, spiritual) and external (systemic, socio/political and cultural) issues and forces that impact on young men. Here I will particularly touch on the socio/political and developmental dimensions that impact on young men's experiences.

One lens that I have found useful in this work is to consider how dominant constructions of masculinity and heterosexuality impact on men and, in particular, on young men who have been sexually assaulted. Besides the impact of sexual assault, what William Pollack (1999), calls "the boys'" (a set of injunctions that expects them to act strong, autonomous, tough, and unfeeling) is already shaping the emotional ground of many young men's lives in a profound way. According to Pollack, boys become "so thoroughly hardened (by this gender straight jacket) that they literally anaesthetise themselves against the pain they must cope with" (1999: 46). Many boys also become shame phobic and do everything they can to live up to the boys' code and to avoid 'losing face' in front of their peers. The cost of this is that many young men feel ashamed to acknowledge any experience that violates this code. Furthermore, they often miss out on the sense of belonging and connection that comes with disclosing their genuine experience and receiving support.

Taking this ground of gender conditioning into consideration, it is not hard to imagine how this internalised boys' code magnifies the shame for a young man who is grappling with the effects of sexual assault. Patrick O'Leary, in his excellent 'Liberation from Self Blame', states that:

dominant notions of manhood go a considerable way in explaining the extent of sexual abuse in our culture ... (and) also can affect the ways in which men respond to the experience of sexual assault (O'Leary, 1998: 27).

Numerous other writers have also spoken about the impact of dominant constructions of masculinity on mens' experience and of its impact in relation to sexual assault (Lew, 1993; O'Leary 1998; Pollack, 1999). I have also noticed how these dominant notions of masculinity and heterosexuality, which traditionally expect men to be heterosexual, independent, emotionally invulnerable, in control and powerful, have a profound impact on how young men experience and make meaning out of their sexual abuse. It is these meanings and their effects that I would particularly like to talk about.

These dominant notions of masculinity can commonly lead to the following effects and issues for young men who have been sexually assaulted:

• A profound sense of inadequacy, shame and isolation where young men may believe that they cannot live up to the expectations of traditional masculinity and heterosexuality. This can create beliefs about being a 'failure' e.g. 'A real man should be able to stop the abuse ... should not be affected by the abuse'. Such traditional expectations can disable young men from being able to acknowledge and seek support about their sense of shame, guilt, powerlessness, fear, vulnerability, betrayal, anger and other effects associated with being abused.
• Sexual identity confusion and inadequacy as a result of the following assumptions and beliefs: 'If I was abused by a homosexual I must be homosexual', 'This must have happened to me because I'm gay?', 'Because my body became aroused I must be gay' or 'Will I become gay because of this?' (Lew, 1993).
• Because of these gender expectations, young men are not supported to acknowledge and talk about the effects of sexual assault. Out of a need to feel safe and survive, the public self becomes split off from the private self As a strategy of coping, many young men minimise and deny the impact of the abuse in their lives and, on the surface, attempt to act 'normal' order to fit in and belong.
• Due to the common effects of sexual assault (loss of trust, betrayal, shame, fear, powerlessness, loneliness, anger, vulnerability, PTSD symptoms, dissociation, aggression, loss of self worth) many young men have trouble developing the relationship skills and trust which enable them to form meaningful friendships and hence to experience a genuine sense of belonging that is based on more authentic forms of self expression. . A number of relationship dilemmas/difficulties can arise from the inability to work through the experience and effects of sexual assault. These may include reliving victim victimiser experiences, identification with traits of the aggressor, self blame in relationships with others, meeting emotional needs through sexualised behaviour, avoidance of intimacy and vulnerability, a need to control others, a sense of inadequacy in building trust and friendship, and in receiving and giving love. As a result of sexual abuse and the impact of the boys' code, young men may have few resources and options in how to cope. Other strategies young men may use are:
  • over identifying with traditional masculine traits (self reliant, strong, able to cope, appearing confident); - externalising the feelings associated with the abuse through promiscuity,
  • aggression, violence or risk taking behaviour; withdrawing and isolating oneself;
  • internalising the feelings associated with the abuse through self blame, self harm, lack of self care, suicidal ideation; and
  • drug and alcohol abuse.

Because of the above effects, many young men face difficulties in disclosing their experience of sexual assault. Those who do decide to disclose must risk a great deal. Adding to this, many young men   and young people in general   are at a developmental stage at which their main task is attempting to form an identity of their own, become clear about their sexuality, and experience a sense of belonging with their peers (Geldard and Geldard, 1999). It seems to me that disclosing and facing issues arising from sexual assault can be profoundly threatening to young men who are attempting to achieve these developmental tasks.

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