Dealing with systems

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Overnight, parents can become involved with police, legal and medical systems which can be inadequate and frustrating. It can feel overwhelming to suddenly have to deal with unfamiliar people and procedures. There are frequently difficulties with the systems and they may seem to have little regard for them and their child as victims. People often feel ignored and marginalised as police and legal procedures get under way. Things often take a long time and can be difficult to understand. All this can happen while families are in emotional turmoil and making decisions can be hard.

Specific difficulties for fathers can be that they feel excluded from the system due to work commitments and because it is often mothers who are assumed to have the responsibility of dealing with professionals.

Systems can make you feel powerless and lacking control about what is happening to you and your family.

The systems are the only ones we have, good, bad or indifferent. We can only do what we can within them. It can be empowering to encourage parents to share their experiences with other parents in similar circumstances and to direct energy in to changing the system.

" It felt like we were invisible in the court process. Every time I tried to get information I felt that I was being a nuisance. I just to keep asking questions until someone listened to me"

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