Anger

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Anger is a normal reaction to child sexual assault. It is healthy to be angry if you and those you love are hurt. Expression of that anger is not healthy if it hurts you and other people. Fathers are expected to be angry. Anger and thoughts of revenge are seen as typically male. They are also typically female. Mothers are angry too as are other non-offending family members.

Most parents feel like damaging the offender but most do not do so realising the further damage they could do to their child and themselves. One father lost his driving license and consequently his job when he went after the offender. Other fathers report feeling guilty if they do not personally assault the offender believing that they may have let their children down by not doing so. In fact, by remaining within the system you provide a good role model for your children.

Children feel responsible for what occurs after the disclosure/discovery of sexual assault and would believe they were to blame for the repercussions of revenge. It can be helpful for parents to share thoughts of revenge with someone and write them down. Anger is energy and you can use it constructively to benefit you and your child.

Some ideas:

• punching a pillow;
• destroying a picture of the offender;
• throwing things;
• screaming/smashing plates;
• writing letters to the media;
• writing letters to the offender (not to send).

Encourage parents to share their anger with their child. It is positive to give permission to be angry about being hurt and together you can find ways to express that anger safely.

"We went over to the dam and spent a while throwing bigger and bigger stones into the water shouting as we did it. We ended up having fun as well as getting rid of some of the anger"

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 9 Feb 2010