Talking about sex

Home: Workers: Counselling Issues: Preventing child abuse

Children are fascinated by bodies, their own and other peoples. We need to allow them to satisfy their curiosity in a safe way rather than picking up weird and wild ideas from other children. Most parents are keen that their children learn some of their own values in relation to sex, marriage and relationships so it is important that they are taught some basics before school where there is always another child willing to impart their own version of how babies are made.

Naturally parents make their own decisions about what they tell children about sex and there are a number of useful books in the contacts & books section. The earlier they learn about them the easier it is for adults to teach them. The most important aspect of informing children about sex is that if they KNOW what is right they will also know what is wrong, making it easier to tell if something untoward happens to them. If there is some emphasis about 'rules' about sex it helps children to understand e.g. Sex is only allowed between adults who both agree to it. Children readily understand that there are activities for adults only eg, driving.

If children learn that it is OK to talk about and ask questions about sex and bodies they will also know that it is OK for them to talk about sexual assault.

Talking about sexual assault

If bodies and sex are talked about it is possible to emphasise that children are the 'boss' of their bodies and that their private parts are private. It is possible in this context to be clear with children that it is absolutely NOT OK EVER for adults or bigger people to touch your private parts or for you to touch an adults or bigger persons private parts. They can touch their own private parts when they are alone. It is important to be specific with children and to indicate that private parts are those parts of your body that are covered by swimming costumes and include the mouth. Sometimes adults saying don't let anyone touch you 'down there' can be meaningless and could refer to knees or toes!

In a conversation about private parts it is possible to explain that there are some adults who want to touch childrens private parts or want to make children touch their private parts. These adults can sometimes use tricks and bribes and threats to get children to do what they want. Often these adults are people you and your family know and like and trust which is one of the ways they trick us. Another way they try to trick children is to make them feel like they really like you and make you feel special. Sometimes they tell you that it is a special secret but there should never be any secrets about touching. No one should touch you in a way that they would not touch you if other people were around. Sometimes it can helpful to use the concepts of privacy and surprises rather than good and bad secrets.

You can also tell them that these adults try to keep children very quiet about what they are doing to private parts and they do this by bribes, tricks, threatening people, pets or soft toys you love, making you feel guilty or telling you you'll get into trouble. It is a crime for adults to do this and they can go to jail. The adults who sexually assault want the children to keep it a secret because they know they - the adults - will get into trouble with the police and other people.

Sponsor

Gippsland Centre Against Sexual Assault

Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 27 May 2009