Dealing with disclosures
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How to respond to a disclosure of sexual abuse
As workers, you are likely to often be in the position of hearing a disclosure of sexual abuse, sometimes from adults and sometimes from children. How you respond to that disclosure is very important. There are some general guidelines for dealing with disclosures:
1: LISTEN to what s/he is saying. Try not to interrupt him or her or ask lots of questions. Being asked a lot of questions can feel like being interrogated. Let him or her tell you at their own pace. Don't worry if s/he stops talking for a while - silences are O.K. You don't have to rush in to fill the gaps.
2: It is important that you let the person know that you BELIEVE them. People rarely make up stories about sexual abuse. It's also important to think about what you say. You will have been influenced, as we all have, by the many myths current in our society about sexual abuse so it's not helpful to say what may instinctively come into your head. THINK FIRST and make sure your response doesn't reinforce any of these myths.
3: CONTAIN your own feelings. It's important not to show shock or horror. This may reinforce a survivor's sense of shame.
4: ACKNOWLEDGE their trust in disclosing to you and highlight their courage and strength in taking positive action in their healing process.
5: Finally, offer them APPROPRIATE REFERRALS for support.
These guidelines can be applied to both children and adults but there are also some general Do's and Don'ts for when a child discloses.
DO immediately tell the child you believe them.
DO tell the child that they were right to tell you and that they were very brave to do so.
DO use the child's language or vocabulary.
DO acknowledge that it is difficult to talk about such things.
DO tell the child that this has happened to other children and that they are not the only one.
DO tell them that they are not responsible for what happened and did not deserve it.
DO tell them that sometimes adults do things that are not OK (avoid saying that the offender is "sick").
DO everything you can to support, comfort and reassure the child.
DO ensure that the child feels safe following disclosure. You might need to stay physically close to give an extra sense of physical security - the offender may have used threats.
DON'T make promises you can't keep - especially if they ask you to keep it a secret.
DON'T panic or show that you are shocked. It is important to remain calm and in control of your feelings.
DON'T give the impression that you might blame the child. e.g. Don't ask: "why did you let him?", "what were you doing there anyway?" or "why didn't you tell me before?".
DON'T ask intrusive questions. Listen but don't pry. Respect the child's need for privacy.
DON'T be over protective.
Remember, when a child discloses they are likely to feel:
Guilty
Children often blame themselves for the abuse and often feel guilt for telling.
Ashamed
Children often are ashamed about the abuse itself.
Confused
Children are often confused about their feelings for the perpetrator.
Scared
Children are often fearful of the repercussions of telling. They may be scared of the perpetrator, scared that the abuse may recur, or that the family will break up.
BE CAREFUL about touching (e.g. hugging or cuddling) the child if they have not initiated the contact. Some children may be upset by physical contact.
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Disclaimer
Copyright Updated: 9 Oct 2009
The South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault acknowledges the traditional Aboriginal owners of country throughout Victoria. We pay our respects to them, their culture and their Elders past, present and future.