Seeking help

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This article is written for women and assumes a male offender, however SECASA acknowledges that both men and women can be survivors of sexual abuse and that offenders can be male and female.

By Judy

In the beginning

At the time that I decided I needed help I had hit a rock bottom. I had always been prone to mood swings and could burst into tears without any provocation. This was a time in my life when everything was seemingly improving. I had changed my address to a much better style of housing. After several years of inconsistent employment I had a job that promised permanency, however I became more and more depressed. I reached the point where everything seemed hopeless. I felt isolated, alone and extremely angry, having uncontrollable fits of rage for what seemed the smallest problems. During this period I was having flashbacks to times of sexual abuse. After one suicide attempt I had reached the point of desperation and began seeking professional help. However, this was unsuccessful and I eventually rang the "QUIT LINE" thinking that perhaps this was partially due to nicotine withdrawal. During my conversation with the person at the "QUIT LINE" I mentioned the sexual abuse and he referred me to SECASA.

Secasa

I had read about SECASA before at the Monash Medical Centre but thought that this was not relevant to my situation, as the events that I was remembering happened during my teens and early adulthood, and SECASA dealt only with childhood sexual abuse and incest. I mentioned this to the woman who answered the phone when I first contacted them. However, she recommended me to a counsellor and I entered personal counselling which I continued for approximately 18 months.

Personal counselling

For the first time in my life I was able to discuss my feelings without fear of recrimination or rebuttal. I felt that what I said would be treated with confidence and at last I had a safe environment where I could open up and express my inner torment. Together with this counsellor we dealt with feelings of low self esteem and my internal critic. I discovered ways of overcoming that nagging voice that constantly criticised and condemned me. During this session I entered group counselling.

Group counselling

For the first time I found people with whom I could identify. I really believed I was losing my mind and here were people expressing my feelings. This certainly helped with the feelings of isolation and I left that group having overcome my despair and misery with feelings of elation, similar to an adrenalin rush. This continued for quite some time. I continued with the personal counselling for approximately 12 months before deciding to desist, believing that I was cured and able to continue without the necessity of counselling. However, it became apparent that this was not so, but I was too embarrassed to admit this to myself or anyone else.

Approximately 9 months after I ended the personal counselling I was invited to join a second group. It came at a time when I was on a downward slide emotionally and was relieved at the opportunity to once again seek support and help. As the group continued it became more and more apparent that there were still a lot of unresolved issues, especially as I was beginning to have flashbacks to other times of child sexual abuse that I had never been conscious of before.

Return to personal counselling

After the completion of the group I once again began personal counselling. I am able to delve much deeper and reveal things about myself that I have not felt confident to reveal to anyone before. With being able to open up about these issues I am able for the first time to confront and deal with them in an honest and open way. In doing this I am gradually gaining some control over them and no longer letting them control me, although this is not continual, it is improving.

Conclusion

I believe that my attendance at SECASA has been for a journey of self discovery, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I now realise that these are the areas that my history of sexual abuse has affected and instead of trying to continue without understanding the cause of my depression I am able to look at it objectively and seek ways of dealing with it. Being able to share what I think and feel in a safe and understanding environment has allowed me to become more self aware and search for alternative ways of living.

Sponsor

SECASA

Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 24 Sep 2009