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Control
Home: Survivors: For Sex Workers: The Power Book
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Getting it back
Knowing that you can and will be the one 'in control' is the essence of good sex work. It's normal to want to get back in control after a sexual assault - especially if providing sexual services is how you earn your living - but go easy on yourself. Don't try to be tough. You'll heal better if you listen to your heart and take care of your needs.
Blame and shame
Sexual assault is a crime. If you're sexually assaulted it's not because you failed to prevent it!!! Many people think that some women are 'asking' to be raped or that some victims have themselves to blame. Sex workers are easy targets for this blaming. Don't buy into it! Nobody asks to be assaulted. Rape is the fault of the man who chooses to rape! The shame is his, the blame is his, the responsibility is his. Don't blame yourself and don't put it down to 'just a job that went wrong'.
Feeling small
If you've been sexually assaulted you can feel unable to make decisions because your will and wishes have been violated. Afterwards you might feel like you just want someone else to make decisions about what to do next. It's okay to feel small. What's important is to know when enough is enough and when to get some help that lets you move on and gets you back in control.
Keep your options open!
You might want time to work out if you want to go to the police or take legal action - but try as hard as you can to not wash, not take a shower, not take a bath and not douche. Try as hard as you can to not disturb clothing or anything else that might become evidence. Try not to drink anything, brush your teeth or have any chewing gum if there was oral sex. The "preservation and continuity of evidence" is important in case you want to take further action.
It's really hard. It's part of the cleansing of the aura, that need to take a shower, but it would hamper the evidence. Even if you had to take a shower, maybe clothes would be useful and other bits and pieces like a tissue used to wipe yourself or any other evidence you could collect.
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Disclaimer
Copyright Updated: 24 Sep 2009
The South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault acknowledges the traditional Aboriginal owners of country throughout Victoria. We pay our respects to them, their culture and their Elders past, present and future.