Self-esteem and communication

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Creating non-violent relationships

You can create relationships based on mutual respect by learning and practising better ways of relating to others. It might seem silly at first to think you need to learn how to do this. Isn't it something that just happens? Read on. You will find that if you use the following information, this way of relating will work for you.

Low self esteem has been identified as one of the most important aspects of violent relationships, for both men and women involved. One way to avoid negative or violent relationships in your own life is by learning how to build your own self-esteem and improving your interpersonal skills.

Self-esteem

Self esteem is the way people feel about themselves. We develop self-esteem during our childhoods through the way people, and especially our parents, treat us. Children who get lots of love and attention when they are young, and have people telling them they are clever and attractive usually have more self esteem than children who are often told they are stupid or ugly, or ignored.

But self esteem doesn't just stay the same. We can have our self-esteem improved or worsened by the messages we are given, and by what we decide those messages mean. We can improve our own self esteem by learning better communication skills, and achieving personal goals that make us feel good about ourselves. We can also build other people's self esteem by giving them compliments and encouragement in the things they are doing.

The core of a person's identity is the self concept that's like a picture you have of yourself. This self concept is influenced by how old we are, the culture we grow up in, what we look like, our religion, personal achievements, how people react to us, and the messages we give ourselves about these things.

People with high self-esteem are likely to have good friendships and self confidence, and will probably be successful in anything they decide to do. Even when things go wrong people with high self-esteem are better able to cope.

On the other hand, people with low self esteem are likely to have a hard time in life. They're more likely to get into trouble, and they're more likely to end up in unsatisfying or violent relationships as adults.

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Communication

We give and receive messages by a process called communication. These messages influence our own behaviour and self concept, and also the behaviour and self concept of others. The way we communicate with others is important because that's how we let people know who we are, what we believe in, what our values are, and how we feel.

Most of our communication is expressed without speaking (nonverbally). In fact about 65% of the messages we send out to other people are nonverbal, so a person's body language tells you more about her than what she says. Sometimes body language is used to emphasise what is being said, like when you nod and smile while saying yes, or shrug when you say you don't know. Nonverbal messages can also be used instead of words, for example crying or raising an eyebrow.

Confusing messages can be given when our body language says one thing, and our words another. If you're really upset about something and you just smile and try to pretend everything is okay, your body language will probably give you away. This is one way misunderstandings occur, because the other person isn't sure whether to read your body language, or believe what you say.

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 13 Aug 2009