Self defence

Home: Survivors: For Teenagers: My body belongs to me

You have a right to defend yourself

It's your body and you decide who touches it. The law says you can use as much force as it takes to stop the man assaulting you.

The first thing to remember is that you have every right to defend yourself from assault.

You are important

The best way for girls to get the skills to defend themselves is at a self defence Course for Women, or by learning some form of Martial Arts. For information on courses, contact the Women's Information and Referral Centre, or your nearest Centre Against Sexual Assault. Even if you haven't done a self defence course, there are lots of things you can do to defend yourself.

This doesn't mean that if you don't defend yourself from assault, you are to blame for what happens. The attacker is ALWAYS responsible.

Verbal self defence

This means telling someone very strongly and clearly that you do not like what he's doing and you want him to stop. This can often be very effective. It works because you are sticking up for yourself and the man is shocked because he is no longer in control. Making a stand against him verbally is often enough to turn the tables. Your voice is very powerful when you yell or speak strongly. You are telling him that you're angry and very serious about what you say. On the other hand, screaming tells him something quite different: that you are afraid and feel helpless. So make sure that your voice is low and loud and strong. Hold your head up. Look him in the eyes. Put your hands on your hips or into fists and say loudly and clearly STOP IT!

Use stronger words if you feel like it. Get your hands off me and never touch me again! or I hate what you do to me. STOP IT or I'll tell the Police. Tell him you know it is against the law. If he tries to blame you and say that you'll be in trouble too, or tells you that no one will believe you, he is just trying to scare you. He is afraid that HE will be in trouble. Sometimes this kind of action will stop a man sexually abusing you.

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Physical self defence

Some people say that girls and women who are assaulted shouldn't try to defend themselves, because it just makes the attacker angrier. This kind of thinking stops a lot of females from fighting back. Men who sexually assault are often not angry or physically violent, and fighting back can be enough to stop them. If you are being attacked by a man who is physically violent, he will be violent whether or not you try to defend yourself. By defending yourself, you will probably give your attacker a fright, and you give yourself a much better chance of escaping, especially if you have been trained in Self Defence. The man may be bigger and stronger than you, but this training teaches you lots of skills which don't depend on physical strength.

To use self defence you must be effective, and doing self defence training will give you the skills and practice you need. However, even if you haven't done the training, you may feel angry enough and capable of fighting. The first step is to get in touch with your anger, instead of being overwhelmed with fear.

Pulling his hair hard, kicking him in the shins, scratching his face and biting, are all good defence.

Don't hesitate to use stronger techniques if you need to. Poking your fingers or a pen into his eyes, or a good hard kick in his genitals will certainly stop him. Many of you will have seen a boy accidentally kicked in the genitals in sport. Watching him bend double and fall to the ground groaning in agony gives you an idea of how extremely painful this is for men. If you are being assaulted and need to take serious action then a genital kick is appropriate defence. However, you may find that if you yell really angrily at him and yank his hair and push him away, he will get the message. If you do use strong self defence, make sure that you have somewhere safe to run to. Don't hang about to see if he's okay. Use the time to escape and find someone you trust to help you, and call the police.

If you yell loudly while you're defending yourself it will help you hit harder as well as scaring the man who is attacking you.

Using self defence techniques is generally not the best way to stop long term sexual abuse. Men who abuse children over long periods of time often use bribery (such as 'special treats') and give their victims a lot of extra attention. This makes it very confusing for the young person, who might like the man and enjoy the attention, but want the sexual abuse to stop.

Even if she does manage to make him stop, the chances are high that he will start abusing another, younger child. Men who sexually abuse young people almost always need to be confronted by an adult or outside authority before they will stop. They must be made to understand that their behaviour is unacceptable, and this usually means that the law must be involved. Whatever happens, it's best to tell an adult you trust.

Self defence works

I was woken by the sound of heavy breathing. There was a man at the end of my bed, standing there masturbating. He had pulled the sheets off me and was staring at my body. I started yelling my head off at him, telling him to get out of here. He leapt forward and put his hand over my mouth to try and shut me up. I bit him hard and kicked backwards with both my feet on his chest. He went crashing backwards and hit the wardrobe. I was yelling like mad and he just took off out the window. I didn't know I was so strong I just reacted automatically. I was shaken but really glad to know I could fight back and protect myself.

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 13 Aug 2009