Stopping sexual abuse: your choices and where to go for help

Home: Survivors: For Teenagers: My body belongs to me

'My stepfather molested me for years. I was always too scared to Stop him. I didn't know what to do until I learnt self defence. Next time he tried to touch me I yelled at him and pushed him away. I told him I'd talked to a Sexual assault counsellor about what he did to me, and if he didn't stop he'd be in big trouble. He yelled back at me and told me he'd make me sorry but he never touched me again. He was scared. I felt so good that I'd made him stop.'

It takes a lot, of courage to tell someone that you're being sexually abused. Asking for help can be very scary. You might be afraid of what will happen to you or your family if you take action to protect yourself. You may worry about what friends will say if they hear about it. But if you tell someone, the abuse can be stopped. It is only when the offender is confronted that he will stop abusing you, and it usually takes an outsider to do this.

There are people who can help you. There is support available for both you and your family. You can decide from the following options what is best for you.

Family

If there is someone in your family you trust, talk to them. If it's your stepfather or father who is abusing you, your mother will probably be very shocked and find it difficult to know how to respond. She might not believe you at first. She might think you are lying, or even convince you not to tell anyone. She will need a lot of support too: she might feel guilty, or angry. It might take her a long time to understand what has happened. Many mothers don't want to believe that their partners could do such a thing; they might be scared as well. But it's very important that the abuse stops. If your mother won't help you, keep telling people until you are believed, and action is taken to protect you.

Centres against sexual assualt

You can talk to a counsellor by phone. In Victoria, the 24 hour number is 1800 806 292, Australia wide 1800 200 526, or ring the Kids helpline on 1800 551 800 so you can contact somebody any time of the day or night. She will listen to you and offer support and whatever other help you need to protect you from the abuse. She will provide you with a range of options which will help you decide what to do.

You might want to see her at the centre for counselling, whether or not you are still at risk of being abused. See the list of Centres Against Sexual Assault.

Some Centres run Incest and Rape Survivor Groups where girls and women who have been sexually abused can talk about their experiences and support each other.

School counsellor

You can go and see your school counsellor or a teacher you trust. They will know who to contact if you need other help and support.

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A friend

You may prefer to share your problem with a close friend; someone you know and trust. You might want your friend to contact other help for you. You have every right to all the help and support you want.

Department Of Human Services (DHS)

In Victoria you can contact your local office of Department of Human Services, (see Government section of your phone book) and ask to speak to a Child Protection worker. Telephone or go in personally and take a friend with you if you like. If you would rather see a woman, then ask to speak to a female Child Protection worker.

In Victoria, both the police and DHS have a legal duty to protect children and young people from abuse. They are able to remove you from your home if they decide that is the best way to protect you from further abuse. Sometimes the police can remove the offender from the home instead.

The Child Protection worker should investigate your situation straight away if the abuse is happening at home. She might find you another place to stay so that you are safe, until there is a court case to decide what will happen to you and the person who is abusing you. You might be able to stay with relatives, or another family, until then.

If the action of the offender is a criminal offence, the police will be informed. They will conduct a separate investigation to collect evidence for a court case.

Police

You or a friend can contact your local Sexual Offences and Child Abuse Unit (SOCA), by calling your nearest Police Station of 000. Look in the front of your telephone book. The SOCA units are available 24 hours a day. If you would prefer to talk to a police woman, and if there is one on duty, she will be made available.

There are many police officers who have helped sexual assault victims in a caring and sensitive way. The SOCA officers are trained to be supportive in this way. Some police officers may be unhelpful or blaming, but this attitude is the exception. Don't hesitate to approach the police for help if you need to. Remember that if they know about the offender, they might be able to stop him abusing others in the future.

Depending on the situation, the man may be arrested and appear before the court.

Domestic violence resource centre

Workers at this centre offer information and support, and can refer you to your nearest sympathetic counsellors, doctors, lawyers and other support services. They run Incest Support Groups and workshops, have a comprehensive library of books and videos, and can provide booklets and pamphlets on the subject.

Young women's refuges

In Melbourne there are a couple of young women's refuges for the age group of I2 - I8 years. These houses have secret locations and are for young women who are unhappy at home because of physical, sexual or emotional abuse.

These shared houses have workers 24 hours a day who will offer support and advice and put you in touch with supportive lawyers, counsellors, housing workers, doctors etc. The length of stay at a young women's refuge can be negotiated with the workers at the refuge. There are also refuges that house both boys and girls.

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Women's refuges

Women's refuges are safe houses for women and their children to go if they are being abused physically, sexually or emotionally. The addresses are kept secret. Women and children who are staying at the refuge share the house with other women and children. There are workers available to offer support and advice where needed. For more information contact the Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Line.

Running away

If you decide to leave home or run away from the situation you are in, there are some things you need to know to make this work out for you. It's generally not a good idea to run away, because you could be putting yourself in more danger.

If you leave without telling anyone the real reason, some of your family may not understand your actions and be very upset or angry. If you can't explain why you're going, you should write to them as soon as you can.

Another good reason for telling them why you've left is because you may have other sisters or brothers who could be abused by the same man. You can protect them by telling someone what he's done to you. If the first person you tell doesn't believe you, then contact a Centre Against Sexual Assault, the Police, or the Department of Human Services Victoria. They will do all they can to protect you and stop him abusing others.

You may not have been able to tell your family, but it's very important that you find someone to talk to about what has happened, and how you are feeling. There are many, many, young people in the same situation as you. Some never talk about their bad experience, and carry all the pain and confusion inside them.

If you decide to run away from home, make sure you have somewhere safe to go, and that you're not putting yourself in danger. If you are under I7 and get picked up on the streets by the police, they might decide you are 'at risk', or in need of care and protection. They could decide this if they believe you are likely to be involved in prostitution or drugs, or if you have nowhere to live and no money.

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 9 Oct 2009