Alison's story

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'Darktime'

She opened her eyes. It was time. Time for the blackness and the squeezing of air from her lungs. Time for the accustomed pain and the harsh words. It had been like this for years. She was almost at the stage where she couldn't remember when this time had not been. She moved and began to sweat. She knew she must be quiet so the others wouldn't hear. She knew if she just lay there she'd be all right. She could think of something else. Make her brain open out into pictures of Christmases in the past and candy bars and green fields visited on holiday. It would pass and she would be all right.

"It's Alison I just don't know what to do about her." Joan Roberts flopped into the well-worn chair. The other members of staff who were close enough to hear raised sympathetic eyebrows in her direction.

"Do you know what she did this morning? She threw a book at me. She threw it and laughed."

Ted Strong shook his head. "You're lucky it was only a book. You're also lucky she laughed. She tried to hit me once. You should have seen her face. Christ! I think it's time we did something about that girl."

"What do you suggest: banishment Joan Roberts reached for her coffee. A few chuckles greeted the suggestion. Many of them thinking of pupils present and past. But Alison was special. She threatened people with knives. She pulled hair out by the roots and she spat at the head teacher. Suspended twice and heading for expulsion. Our Alison wouldn't be around for much longer to drive teachers into complaining huddles at break time. Perhaps just one more try, with the parents, might work.

Alison's mum was trying to tell the headmistress what it was like. "She's different to the rest of them" she said. "The other kids are good kids. Never any trouble. She used to be like that too."

"So what do you think has changed?"

"Well, I suppose I feel pretty guilty about it. I have to go out, see, and work. The only job I can do is cleaning so I have to go out very early in the morning. Alison's supposed to get the younger ones up and ready for school. More often than not she doesn't. I'm not there to make her, so she stays in bed till the last minute. I'm pretty tired in the evening. Don't have much time to spend with the kids." Her gaze wandered to the window. "She never used to be so bad. We used to have a lot of time together. When she was little." "Mrs Jenkins how does Alison get on with her father?"

"Oh, all right I suppose. He's not in much either." "Does Alison do her homework?" "I don't know. I did try and get her to do it when she first changed schools but well, she's so angry with me all the time nowadays. I can't make her do anything. If I tell her off for anything she flies off the handle and throws things around. Belts the other kids. I don't know what to do with her, Mrs Crow. She gets me down I can tell you."

Sally Crow felt sympathetic. "You know she is likely to be expelled if she goes on like this. There will be no choice."

Wendy Jenkins pleaded with her tired eyes. "That's why I came up this morning. I was hoping that you'd tell me what to do. Give me some advice. I'm at the end of my tether. The end."

The boys were standing at one end of the playground. Near enough to see what was going on but not offering any assistance. Alison was holding Billy Wilding by the collar.

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"And I'm telling you" she was saying, "if you ever say anything like that about me again I'll get you." The other boys sniggered and looked superior. Billy was new. He had to learn the ropes. You didn't mess with old Alison. She was tough. For a girl. Other girls in the area didn't watch full face what was going on. Out the corner of their eyes they took it in. There was no way in the world they would get into a fight with Alison. Especially not to help a boy. They had all learnt, most of them the hard way, that her fist was as quick as her tongue. None of them liked her. They had to tolerate her, but they didn't like her. She didn't trouble them too much and mostly just hung around by herself.

Who were these people to tell her what to do. She didn't trust anyone. Not anyone. Especially her mum and the teachers. All they wanted to do was to get her into trouble. She could only trust herself. That was for sure. She leaned against the wall in the playground. It was late. Everyone but some stupid drama class had gone home. They were practising for the school play. Dumb! She pulled her coat a little closer and dragged expertly on her cigarette. Smoking in the school had a sort of extra thrill. She'd done it tons of times of course. So far no one had caught her. It didn't matter to her if they did. If she was bad enough they might even send her to a boarding school. Yeah! That would be great. She'd work there all right. Work her butt off so she could stay. She stamped angrily on the cigarette and pushed off the wall. There was a sound coming from the hall. Voices raised in expectation. Laughing and calling to each other cries of goodnight. Most of them must have been walking home or catching a bus. One smaller figure hung around the steps, glancing at the road outside the school. Alison thought she might be worth a laugh. She stepped out of the shadows.

"Is that you Tracy Phillips?" she said, knowing the answer.
"I want to talk to you. "The smaller girl turned towards her.
"Hello Ali" she said quietly. "We've been rehearsing."
"I know that dummy." Alison stood over her.
"I bet it's a dumb play."
"No. It's good. Miss said."
"Miss said, Miss said" mocked Alison. Tracy shuffled her feet.
"You should have been in it. It's neat fun."
"You reckon?"
"Yeah." Silence.
"What are you hanging round here for Tracy Phillips?"
"I'm waiting for me Dad."
"Oh yeah. What time is he supposed to be here then?"
"About six o'clock. It's that now." They both turned their gaze to the road. It was still empty.

"Reckon your Dad would get a real shock if his darling little daughter wasn't here when he arrived?" said Alison.
"Why don't you take off? Give him a scare."
"I wouldn't want to scare him, Ali. He'd get real frightened if I wasn't here when he came. He worries about strange men. You know ... what we talked about in social studies."
"Don't be an idiot all your life, take a day off will you. There aren't any funny men waiting on street corners for you. And why is your dad so concerned?"
"I'm his favourite. I'm not supposed to know but I heard him telling his mate once."
"Yeah, I bet you are. That don't mean he loves you."

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Tracy looked at Alison's tight face. It was very dark now but she could see the anger and the lines. It made her look like a funny old woman. Tracy didn't like the look. A car door slammed and her father's voice broke the comment.
"Tracy is that you?"
"Coming Dad. See you Ali". Alison watched as the little girl ran, bag flapping on her back. Watched as she shot out the gate and into the car, watched as Mr Phillips, dark and tall, bent to kiss his daughter watched as Tracy trustingly put her arms around his neck and hugged him. 'Yeah' thought Alison. You wait until you're bigger. You wait. You won't want to do that any more. She began to slide across the play-ground like a shadow. It was probably okay to go home now. Mum would have come in by now. She didn't like being at home with him and the kids. Not that he did anything in the evening, usually she wouldn't give him a chance, would she. It was worth the yelling for being late. To deny him that.

She began to wake. It was the dark time again. The time she never thought about. The cold dawn and the heaviness. The breath being forced from her and the whispered threats and promises. Her mother would be at work by now. Scrubbing empty offices and washing the soap off the hand basins in the executive toilet. Alison took a deep breath and heard the door click shut. She knew she must be quiet so the kids wouldn't hear.

No one must ever find out. No one must ever know about the dark time. No one must ever know or they'd blame her. She felt real fear in her head. Beating around like a bird. She held her breath and felt her father slide into the bed beside her. The dark time was beginning again.

If you or someone you know has things like this happening to them, ring one of the numbers in the contacts section and tell to someone. They will know what to do.

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 13 Aug 2009