Sexual harassment
Home: Survivors: For Teenagers: My body belongs to me
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'Sexual harassment is so common that lots of men see it as a normal or acceptable way to treat women.'
Men who molest girls usually try to hide what they're doing, but sexual harassment mostly happens in public - often in the work place or at pubs and parties. It is part of the everyday exchanges between some men and women, and it includes patronising comments or suggestions about your abilities which is a putdown because you are female.
A more subtle form of sexual harassment is the displaying of pornographic pictures of women under the guise of 'personal taste'.
Sexual harassment can be a habitual way of communicating a form of teasing. It can be an indirectly aggressive way of exercising power over somebody, and it can be a way of demonstrating an indifference or dislike. If the person behaving in this way refuses to change his behaviour even when asked to, clearly this is harassment, rather than a genuine attempt to communicate.
Sexist jokes, demeaning remarks about girls or women, putdowns, comments on a person's personal life, unwelcome remarks about physical appearance - all of these are the 'soft' end of sexual harassment and can often leave the target person feeling humiliated and powerless. Over time such behaviour leaves females with lowered self-esteem and a poor self image. Often a woman will give up on verbally confronting the behaviour and adopt other strategies, such as avoiding being in the same place as the harasser, or trying to ignore them. A lot of women just laugh it off, while suppressing their anger.
If you're in a crowd and a man rubs his body against you in a sexual way, use verbal self defence. Say loudly Get your hands off me. You're disgusting! People will be looking at him, not you. You are also warning other girls about him. If that doesn't work, try giving him a good hard pinch.
If a man keeps making rude or humiliating comments to you, try curbing his ego with another rude comment.
At school
Some girls are sexually harassed at school by a teacher. If you think this is happening to you, tell your guidance counsellor and a trusted teacher. They will tell the principal, who will talk to the teacher concerned. He can be in serious trouble if he continues this behaviour.
Many teachers have good, friendly relationships with their pupils, so don't mistake this for sexual harassment.
At work
If the man harassing you has a senior position at work, it's hard to know where to turn or what to do. How can you tell your boss to get his hands off you and never touch you again?
He may have made it clear to you in some way that if you resist him, you'll regret it. Maybe you'll even lose your job.
Some unions have a sexual harassment clause in their awards. Nowadays sexual harassment is an issue for unions, especially those with mainly women members.
If you don't want to deal with being harassed on your own, there are various ways of stopping it.
To begin with, you need evidence, so keep a diary describing what happens and when. If other women at your work have the same problem, try meeting with them outside work. Keep records of others being harassed too.
Record keeping is a drag, but you need some evidence to prove your case. Now you can formally report your grievance to a supervisor or management representative. Choose someone you think will be sympathetic.
It's best if your union organiser comes in because it's easier for you if an outsider deals with your employer. Many sexual harassment problems have been solved in this way. You can keep your job and he stops harassing you. The union organiser won't say who is complaining, so your boss can't pick on you afterwards.
Bill of rights
I have the right:
- To feel safe at all times;
- To say no;
- To my privacy;
- To tell anyone not to touch me;
- To set my own personal standards;
- To choose not to keep a secret;
- To talk about my life to any person I choose;
- To ask for help and support;
- To make decisions;
- To change my mind;
- To fight back.
Booklist
Be yourself love, sex and you a guide for teenagers,
Vicki Woollen, Penguin Books, Victoria I985
Hands off self defence for women, Bob Jones and Aslan Avdi,
Bay Books, Sydney 1983
Positively me a guide to assertive behaviour,
Marjorie Manthei, Heinemann, NZ 198I
Stepping out incest info for girls, Jenny Marsh, Dympna House
What do you like about yourself: Developing a positive self-concept
Shirley Slater and Lee Cibrowski, Home Economics Education
Association, Washington, 1982
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Disclaimer
Copyright Updated: 13 Aug 2009
The South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault acknowledges the traditional Aboriginal owners of country throughout Victoria. We pay our respects to them, their culture and their Elders past, present and future.