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Complaints and prevention

Home: Survivors: Clergy Abuse: Why does he hug us so tightly?

Why is it the minister's responsibility to maintain the boundaries in the relationship?
How should complaints of misconduct be handled?
What about forgiveness?
Should I report to church authorities if I feel I have been abused in a ministerial relationship?
Gaining support - your entitlement
What can parishioners do to prevent misconduct in the church?
What can clergy do to prevent misconduct?
Notes
Further reading

Why is it the minister's responsibility to maintain the boundaries in the relationship?

When the power in a relationship is equal such as with peers, both parties are responsible for acting with care and respect and deciding what boundaries are necessary in the relationship. In a professional relationship the power, roles and vulnerability are not equally shared and therefore it is the professional who has the responsibility and duty of care. Parishioners come in contact with ministers in various settings including private homes. A parishioner is always in a pastoral relationship with his or her minister and the minister is the professional.

The duty of care or fiduciary responsibility should not be confused with situations in which clergy are assaulted by parishioners. In particular this has happened with female clergy who have been sexually harassed or assaulted by clergy colleagues or male parishioners. In these cases the clergywoman is a victim and is not responsible for the violation.

How should complaints of misconduct be handled?

When a representative of the church abuses their role and power churches have the responsibility to hold the person in ministry to account. Therefore the first step of accountability is to have policies or codes of ethics which clearly name the power and responsibilities of the ministerial role.

The policy needs to include the procedure for intervention when the policy or code is violated. These intervention procedures should be investigative and adjudicative not mediative or reconciliatory. Mediation and conciliation are not appropriate for addressing clergy misconduct because the individuals involved are not equals settling a dispute or conflict. The standard of adjudication in determining the likelihood of the abuse having occurred is most appropriately that of a balance of probabilities rather than the criminal standard of reasonable doubt. All people involved in the process of receiving complaints and investigating alleged misconduct need specialist training.

Copies of policies and procedures should be available to all members of the church.

Restitution is necessary to justice making. Willingness on the part of church bodies to accept responsibility for misconduct means providing various forms of restitution to victims/survivors, including financial compensation.

There is a significant need for support of a congregation while a complaint is heard. The congregation needs to know the process that is taking place. By informing the congregation of what is happening, other victims can come forward and rumours and misinformation about the investigation will be minimised. Confidentiality for the alleged victim/s is appropriate at all times. Victims of abuse need to know they will not be further harmed by speaking out.

"As a child I told my father that one of the young men at the church was touching me. My father told the priest who believed me and privately confronted the man and removed him from his leadership role with youth. He went on to become a student christian leader and was again removed amid rumours. He then went into another christian denomination in a leadership capacity. He is still there 25 years later. I fear he has hurt many, many girls and young women."

"Our church tried to handle the misconduct of our minister privately. It was a mess. No one knew what was going on except a select few leaders who were told by leaders higher up not to say anything. A group rallied around the minister who was allowed to go on preaching which he used to his advantage.

The victims and their supporters left amid accusations and rumours of possible false or exaggerated claims. Everyone was confused and some were grief stricken. The congregation dwindled. One leader after another resigned. New people stopped coming or left soon after. All the fresh ideas and enthusiasm and mission initiatives stopped. Some of us tried to invest a fresh start but we gave up and left. Everyone hoped it would all be forgotten."

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What about forgiveness?

Sometimes victims are pressured to forgive. This often means abuse is trivialised, criminal behaviour kept secret, and the abuser's repentance and accountability to the congregation are ignored.

Forgiveness cannot be a substitute for accountability and repentance. Repentance requires a complete turnaround in attitude and direction. It is not merely remorse or simply telling the truth about the abuse. Just and effective accountability processes create hope that genuine repentance is possible.

Forgiveness by the victim/survivor may be possible at the end of a process of justice making when she or he feels set free from the damaging effects of abuse and feels back in control of her or his life. Forgiveness should not be a demand, expectation or part of the accountability process. It can only be meaningful when it is freely given.

See further reading section for an article on forgiveness in situations of sexual assault. Victim/survivors around Australia have found it particularly helpful.

Should I report to church authorities if I feel I have been abused in a ministerial relationship?

Past and recent history clearly indicates that many people who have complained of sexual abuse by a member of clergy have not been helped and have been revictimised as a result of lodging a complaint. It is important to seek independent advice beforehand.

"I thought it was bad enough being sexually harassed by the deacon. I was totally unprepared for the response from the "proper" church authorities. That, more than anything, hurts and is why I left the church."

If approaching internal complaints' committees or individual church authorities, people need to seek specific and clear information about what will happen once a report is made. Rather than making a complaint first and trusting that it will be handled well.

When outside information and laws should be used

A victim always has the right to seek lawful remedies outside the church. Experiences of sexual abuse in professional ministerial relationships may also be identified as sexual harassment or assault, rape, child abuse or domestic violence. An internal church process is not necessarily a substitute for legal remedies. It is important to clarify what has occurred and what options are available. This can be done by contacting the community agencies listed at the back of this book or local telephone books for independent information and options.

"I wish I'd gone to CASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault) sooner rather than later. The straight forward manner of my counsellor was more compassionate and Christian than my church. The information I received at CASA was comprehensive and their support was free of subtle pressures to protect the church from the consequences of the abuse."

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Gaining support - your entitlement

There are now a number of self-help support groups for survivors of clergy misconduct. Women who join a support group or start one of their own are better able to survive a reporting process and feel good about speaking out. These groups are a source of: short and long term self-help; written material on the issues; information about other victims' experiences with church committees; faith questions; and services in the wider community such as counselling, medical and legal aid.

"I don't know how I would have survived without a support group. The support group did all the compassionate and supportive things that I expected from the church. My situation and feelings of anger and betrayal were believed and respected.
Only others who have been through the same experience can really understand. I found an independent counsellor through the group. When I'm strong enough I'm going to make another complaint about how I was treated. I don't want anyone to go through what I did when I first told the church about the abuse."

What can parishioners do to prevent misconduct in the church?

Support those who disclose abuse and those who speak out about the problem. Refer people to the agencies in the back of this book. Remain supportive. Publicise the existence of this book and have copies available to borrow.

What can clergy do to prevent misconduct?

Educate yourself. Let your congregation know you are aware of your role, power and ethical boundaries. Attend educational workshops on clergy misconduct and professional ethics.

Support and do not blame those who disclose abuse. Refer them to community agencies and support groups. Keep in contact.

Do not attempt counselling or therapy that is beyond your expertise and training. For example, survivors of childhood sexual assault are entitled to carers with relevant training.

Speak Up. Ask that clergy and other ministers be educated about clergy ethics at seminary and be given opportunities to learn about professional boundaries. Let church authorities know you need fair working hours, time for leisure and recreation and access to appropriate places to gain help with personal issues.

Tell relevant church authorities you support complaint processes that are effective and fair. I insist that victim/survivors be on committees developing complaint processes and educational initiatives about preventing misconduct. Those who have experienced a badly handled complaint process as a complainant have essential understanding about the process.

If a colleague is accused, be clear about your responsibility to those you serve and the wider church. Do not be drawn into bids for inappropriate support. Remember false accusations are rare while minimising and denying abuse is common. The ministry should not be seen as a protection club for accused clergy. A proper process will vindicate the innocent party.

Don't blame the victims and their advocates for speaking out. Your ministry and profession are being questioned for good reason. Be clear about where the responsibility lies. Work for effective change.

Publicise the existence of this book and have copies available to borrow.

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Notes

(1) Peter Rutter, Sex in the Forbidden Zone when men in power, therapists, doctors, clergy. teachers and others betray women's trust, 1989; published by Jeremy P Tarcher Inc, LA.

(2) Liz Stevens and Tina Meharry, Broken Boundaries: understanding professional sexual abuse, p.14, North Shore Women's Centre, Auckland, NZ. Also in Sarah Calvert; Estelle Disch (ref: K. Pope 1988, Journal of Counselling & Development, 67 ... 222-226). How clients are harmed by sexual contact with mental health professionals, Dulwich Centre Newsletter, Adelaide SA, 1993, Nos 3 & 4, pp 89, p.24.

(3) Exceptions to the confidentiality rule include where a crime has been committed or where there is a risk of physical harm to someone ie. suicide.

(4) The ethical analysis here in plain text is reproduced from Clergy Misconduct: Sexual Abuse in Ministerial Relationships Training Manual. The Centre for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, 936 North 34th Street Suite 200 Seattle USA 98103

(5) Vulnerability is defined here as having relatively less power in the relationship due to role, social or life circumstances. It is not being used in the sense of personality traits or personal sensitivity or 'openness'.

(6) See Rosemary Lynciall, Who pays to clean up the profession? The BULLETIN of the Australian Psychological Society. Pages 7 9, February 1995

(7) The terms wanderer and predator and their description is based on the work of Marie Marshall Fortune of The Centre for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence 936 North 34th Street Suite 200 Seattle USA 98103

(8) Marie Fortune, conversation April 1996

(9) Blackmon, Richard Alien, Ph.D dissertation, The hazards of the ministry 1984, Fuller Theological Seminary. Cited in material from The Centre for the Prevention of Domestic and Sexual Violence, Seattle USA.

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Complaints and prevention

Contents

Why is it the minister's responsibility to maintain the boundaries in the relationship?

How should complaints of misconduct be handled?

What about forgiveness?

Should I report to church authorities if I feel I have been abused in a ministerial relationship?

Gaining support - your entitlement

What can parishioners do to prevent misconduct in the church?

What can clergy do to prevent misconduct?

Notes

Further reading

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