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Educating adults

Home: Survivors: Incest & Child Abuse: It happened to me

Educating children is only part of the picture. It is essential that adults are receptive to the messages that children give. Many of the women felt that although they did not use words to tell of their abuse, the abuse was evident from their behaviour. However, commonly, these signs were not picked up and they carried the burden of abuse alone.

Picking up signs

'If an adult had picked up the signs and asked what was wrong it may have helped to encourage me to say something.'

'Let's face it, it's not really up to the child to have to tell. It's up to the adults to pick up the signs, but they probably won't. They often know but don't want to get involved.'

'It's so difficult for children to speak up. They feel so trapped. It should be adults who should be more sensitive to picking up signs from children rather than putting the responsibility on children to tell.'

'Children who have spoken up haven't been believed. Its okay to say tell, but you have to educate people to believe them. You've only got to not be believed once to shut you up again for twenty years.'

'The first person you disclose to is very important in determining whether you go further. You've got no self-esteem so you just try it on one person and it reinforces your low self-esteem if you're not believed.'

'People need to be aware that children don't lie. How does a child make that up? Where does a child get that from?'

'It's essential to believe the child, even in some cases where people think the child is not telling the truth ... they always will be.'

'People don't realise that they can talk to young kids. They just don't listen. You hear judges and magistrates say, well he's only a child, they have such imaginative minds. What hope has a child got?'

What are the signs?

'People need to know what things to look for, such as acting out, promiscuity, illness, urinary tract infection.'

'A very important sign is when a child wants to avoid a certain adult. The man across the road was abusing me and I would try to get out of visiting him. I was virtually forced to go and see him. People should be aware of that.'

'Little school kids show the signs, for example little boys or girls who want to be very sexual with other kids. It's because it's happening at home.'

'Indicators include a change in personality or behaviour, withdrawal, unaccountable fears, for example fear of the dark or of going to the toilet.' 'You need to be alert to the signs, for example, a change in self-esteem, becoming really reserved, a sudden interest in Playboy magazines. Often when they do see a change they blame everything but sexual abuse.'

'We need to watch for any change in a child's behaviour that is not typical of the child.'

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