Silence

Home: Survivors: Incest & Child Abuse: It happened to me

'To be able as a child to tell someone, anyone, and be heard and then to be helped would have been a great and wonderful achievement.'

Sexual abuse of children thrives in an atmosphere of secrecy and children are very reluctant to speak up about the abuse. Very few of the survivors told anyone about the sexual abuse as children. They spoke of being silenced by their fears of what would happen if they did tell, often as the result of threats made by the abuser.

The belief that they were somehow to blame for the abuse also contributed to their reluctance to speak out. Most did not think they had anyone they could trust and were afraid they would not be believed if they did tell.

'You don't tell because of fear, it's dirty, it's wrong, you have some awareness that it's a secret.'

'He told me that if I ever told my mum she would hate me for the rest of my life and I believed him.'

'A child's mind would still fear, I've ruined the whole family now. You carry that whole burden. You can tell a child a hundred and one times I'm here for you but if you're caught up in it your mind is not that rational. You have all these beliefs: I am totally responsible, the whole world will fall apart, I'll lose my mother, they'll all say that I'm a maniac and lock me up.'

'Kids need to be aware of the processes so they don't think they'll be dragged away. I always thought that I'd go into a home and that mum would lose the house or that she would have a heart attack and it would all be on me.'

'Children believe what a parent abusing them says. It carries a lot more weight than any advertisement to speak up. With my father, he always used to say, I've got a gun in the yard and if you ever tell anyone then I'll use it. There were five children and he was going to kill us all. It took me thirty-five years to speak up because I had this fear.' 'You know it's a secret because they sneak up on you. They wouldn't sit on the couch with you actually doing it.'

'My father used collusion to abuse me. He used to tell me that my mother wouldn't do these sorts of things to him and that if I told her it would kill her.'

'I didn't tell anyone until just recently. I didn't have anyone I could trust. I knew what was happening was wrong but I didn't know how to stop it or who to talk to.'

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 21 May 2010