Introduction

Home: Survivors: Incest & Child Abuse: It happened to me

Family life

The participants came from a variety of families, some from professional and others from working class backgrounds. Some families experienced other social problems, such as alcoholism or psychiatric illness. In many families the sexual abuse was accompanied by physical violence.

The way in which the family presented to the outside world was usually quite different from the experience of the child who grew up in the family. All reported family relationships lacking in trust, sharing and safety and characterised by secrecy, isolation and fear.

'It's not just stranger danger. Children need to be warned that it could be people close to them who abuse them.'

'It isn't only dirty old men who do it; it's often professional or middle class men.'

'My father was very violent. He used to hold you down, he used to hit first and ask questions later. He was violent to all three of us but I was the only one he used to sexually abuse.'

'My father was not a violent man. When I was younger my parents were going through a difficult time. My brother was my mother's favourite and that made my father very jealous. I was my father's favourite and that in turn made my mother very jealous. The family structure was very manipulative. My father protected me a lot when I got into trouble from my mother. He was my ally. There was always a lot of screaming in our family. My role was that of pacifying.'

'My father's role in the family was the breadwinner. He was very strict, and had little to do with outside activities. He was not a loving and caring father. You could not go to him and talk over a problem. I had a fear of him.'

'My brother was in a position of authority, my mother worked and he was responsible for looking after us. He would bring his friends around to abuse us. '

'My father was an abusive alcoholic. He was violent with the older children and my mum but used to bribe the younger children for their affection. My father would abuse you and could switch if someone came to the door. He was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.' 'I wasn't aware that it was sexual abuse. It was just something that happened at home after school and I really didn't like going there. '

'I remember being too scared to go out to the toilet because it meant going past where Dad was sitting watching television and I knew that he would follow me out. So I would either wet the bed or use the wash basin in the bathroom.'

'The fact was that I came from a very academic family. The family was not isolated, we had a very open family, it was not a closed system. In some ways I could live another life, particularly when I was at school. I could pretend it was not happening.'

'Trust is the main issue here; trust betrayed often by those they believed had their best interests at heart, trust that was shattered at an extremely vulnerable time of life.'

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