Surviving rape

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A handbook to help women become aware of the reality of rape

This book was designed to assist sexual assault survivors at a critical time. We would welcome any comments on the material contained in this booklet or any suggestions for further inclusion. Please write to the: NSW Rape Crisis Box 555 Drummoyne NSW 2047.

Crisis line: 1800 424 017.

TTY: (02) 91814349.

Web: NSW Rape Crisis

Please note: Surviving Rape has been reprinted. Copies can be purchased from Redfern Legal Centre Publishing. Their phone number is (02) 9698 3066.

Surviving Rape is reproduced here with the kind permission of NSW Rape Crisis.
Compiled by NSW Rape Crisis

'I am impressed with this book because, above all, it seems to be saying to women who have been raped: It is not your fault.'

Geraldine Doogue

'There is far too much misunderstanding myth and confusion about rape. This is a much needed book.'

Ita Buttrose

Does anyone know how I feel?

The experience of rape has different meanings for each person. No one knows precisely how an individual will react, but rape crisis workers have found that most women experience rape as a severe emotional and physical violation. This section will help you sort out and understand some of what you may be feeling right now, or what you may feel in the future.

'Rape is a violent act of domination and humiliation.'

Following such an experience, it is natural to feel frightened and powerless. You may have believed that you were going to be killed, and thinking of this can leave you feeling vulnerable. You may also feel a sense of having lost control over your life, or a sense of shock and disbelief.

Restoring feelings of control is important. By making decisions (regarding your medical examination or reporting the crime, for example) you can regain some of the control you may feel was taken from you.

Following a sexual assault, you may find your lifestyle disrupted in a number of ways. You may have difficulty concentrating. You may feel the need to change jobs or to move. You may also experience a loss of appetite, depression, or nightmares. Some women fear being alone. Others are afraid to be in crowds. All of these are common reactions.

These feelings can occur one or many at a time. They can come and go.

Some women need to talk about their experience over and over again. Others try to block out their painful memories.

Many women have found it helpful to know how others have reacted to a sexual assault. This gives them some idea of what they can expect. Below is a list of reactions to rape that may help you better understand your experience.

Because rape is the only crime in which the survivor is often treated as the guilty party, it is understandable that many women experience guilt feelings. These feelings can be especially strong if you knew your attacker.

You may feel guilty because you were not able to foresee or stop the assault. It is important to remember that:

It was not your fault. No one asks to be raped.

A sexual assault is the only crime in which the survivor may be treated as the accused.

Other people often try to make the woman who was raped feel guilty in order to reduce their own feelings of vulnerability and guilt.

Rape is not an act of lust but one of aggression, humiliation, and power:

• Men should stop their sexual overtures when a woman says 'No'.
• Rape is not always accompanied with physical force. A woman may feel emotionally pressured into unwanted sex because:
1. she feels it is her duty
2. she's afraid of being called 'frigid'
3. she wants to protect the family and 'keep the peace'
4. she may suffer some kind of punishment - rejection or physical violence.

Sponsor

NSW Rape Crisis Centre

Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 25 Sep 2009