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Secret Children: A Poem About Abuse

My pain

Pain can you feel it? I know I can, it consumes me, my thinking, my dreams, my nightmares, my whole life. Is there any way to rid myself of this? I think not! Many say they have the answers, but do they? Just get on with your life they say, it's all in the past, forget about it.
No way! Not true, my past is a reality, my past is who I've become, my past is my future, my past is me.

I see her all the time, the little girl, too afraid to speak up, too afraid to come out of her room.
It was safer there when you were quiet and no-one knew you were hiding under your bed.
She hated coming home from school, would he be there ? Her best friend's house was her sanctuary she was safe there.

Please don't work overtime she silently begged her mother, but she never heard or maybe she just didn't care.
She never helped before, why would she help now? Night after night she made silent vows and promises to herself, you know the silent vows are the hardest to break.

I'll be better tomorrow, I promise I will. I'll be a good girl, I'll turn over a new leaf just you wait and see, then you'll be proud of me. And just maybe if I make her proud she'll love me and protect me.
That little girl tried so hard to be good, (you know she's still trying) It always went unnoticed and it became painfully clear that it always would.

He said he loved her, if this was love she hated it and never wanted it in her life, just leave me alone, I don't want to be loved.
He loved her and look what he did, she loved her and look what she did,
Her dad didn't even know she was alive but she figured that was probably better than being loved by him too.
She asked for help, from her parents, her family, her god but no-one listened.
The only one she can rely on, the only one she has ever relied on, the - only one she can truly trust is herself, and even she has let her down.
Can you feel my pain? I sure as hell can.....

Jo D

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