Common misconceptions

Home: Survivors: For Males: It happened to us

'Well for males the most common one is that you are going to end up being a perpetrator.'

All the participants felt very strongly about the need to debunk the myths that have built up around child sexual abuse, particularly of males.

Blaming the victim, implying that they asked for it, were willing or enjoyed it, are all strong messages perpetuated by abusers to justify and excuse the abuse. Feelings of pleasure or arousal don't necessarily mean that a sexual experience is enjoyable. These feelings are natural reactions to sexual stimulation.

The participants' memories, experiences and responses refuted the myth that victims are to blame and there was a strong feeling that children should never be held responsible for the abuse occurring.

'I think people sometimes sort of have a tendency to think that maybe it's the child's fault.'

Myths around childhood abuse of males being related to homosexuality were also found to have little factual reality for these participants. These survivors were primarily abused by heterosexual men. Male sexual abuse is not about homosexuality.

'That sexual abuse is what caused your homosexuality. I see it as the two issues are totally different and separate.'

'Because I was abused as a child then I must be [gay] that's pretty hard to deal with.'

'Victims are not diminished as males as a result of being abused.'

Perhaps the myth objected to most strongly by the survivors was that men who were abused as children go on to become abusers.

'[We] need to address the misconception that survivors always become offenders, even those who should know that this is not always the case may believe this.'

'Not all victims become perpetrators – it's the perpetrator's choice.'

'The concept is just totally alien to me of abusing anyone actually, not just a child. I feel that's a big misconception.'

‘It makes people believe if you are abused you have to watch him because he will abuse as well.’

There was a strong belief that abusers perpetrated this myth as a means of excusing their abusive behaviour. Researchers have found no direct link between a childhood experience of sexual abuse and sexually abusive behaviour towards children in adulthood ⁵.

Studies show that perpetrators are generally unreliable and untrustworthy when recounting incidents where they claim to have been the victim ⁶.

Misconceptions the men had encountered were:

‘That children make up stories, that it’s a fabrication .... fantasising to attract attention.’

‘The abuse of males is about homosexuality, it isn’t. What generally occurs is heterosexual males abuse heterosexual males.’

‘If you have been abused, you must be weak, the reverse is true, you must be strong to have survived.’

‘All males [are seen] as the aggressor. So to them it’s laughable that a male could be the victim.’

‘If it’s a one-off incident it does not have a big impact, which is not true.’

Many participants also felt it was important to dispel the misconception that there would be physical signs that would show that abuse had occurred. Some were also concerned that their abuse experience was thought to have less impact because there had been no physical penetration.

‘My mother has this thing about, she went “phew” when she realised I hadn’t been penetrated because somehow that made it all right, but it doesn’t.’

‘You can be sexually abused, not because they touch you but because you have to touch them, so there are all those issues, it’s not about bruising, it’s not physical signs and yet we like to think it is.’

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Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 21 May 2010