Impact of abuse - Fear and shame

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'I was told I would be killed off if I told ... even now I have a feeling that I shouldn't tell, I still feel there is going to be a consequence if I tell.'

Fear, confusion, shame and embarrassment played a large part in the childhood of the survivors. This, coupled with the bewilderment and powerlessness they felt, confirms our knowledge that childhood sexual abuse occurs in situations where children are often intimidated and frightened by the perpetrator.

Many times they were unable to actually grasp what was happening to them but knew that it was wrong. Perpetrators often made threats about not telling others of the abuse. As a result survivors often felt alone and afraid and usually did not speak out for fear of the consequences.

'I feel like I have been silenced by my father all my life and that silence has been out of fear of what he would do if I told and the threat of telling has been drummed into me from an early age.'

'I remember him saying that he would hurt me again if I told my folks, that I wanted to do it, that's why he was doing it and that my parents wouldn't believe me and they would be so angry with me that they wouldn't want me there and all this sort of stuff.'

'There's a feeling of there's something wrong here. I felt very uncomfortable but I was confused because there was nothing happening that hurt me or the person wasn't aggressive, was very gentle and quite a nice person really and someone that I knew, so it was very confusing about what does this mean, like trespassing into someone's house when you know you shouldn't be there.'

'Overwhelming anxiety, being on the edge all the time, this was not a conscious thing, you never knew when it was going to happen.'

'I felt I was no good, weak and unmanly ... it was too risky and pointless to tell anyone.'

'I tried to tell my brothers and sisters that I was being sexually abused but they just laughed at me. They told me to tell my mum and dad which I was too scared to do. I was too scared to tell anyone because I felt like I was doing something wrong.'

'He said if I tell my parents he would kill me or he would come back and get my parents but he said they won't believe you, they will think you are dirty.'

'I have no shame of having been abused but I do have some fear of how the community sees me. But I can handle this.'

'Any expression of anger from males poses a threat and causes anxiety. My history with men has been that when they are angry with me, they abuse me.'

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