Disclosure as a Child

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'My mother denied my abuse even though I told her.'

It is important that survivors are believed when they disclose their experience of abuse. Being believed and having an adult act to protect and support the child is seen as a very important step on the road to recovery.

For some participants, telling someone about their abuse as a child and the response they got, had a major impact on how they felt about themselves. Believing what a child has said and acting to protect him can help improve feelings of self-esteem damaged by the experience.

Most participants, however, encountered a disbelieving or negative response and this only increased their feeling of being trapped and powerless in their abuse situations. Some were also made to feel shamed and responsible for the abuse.

'When I was a little kid, I told them [my sisters]. They reacted like kids do. My sister still says, "I was only a kid at the time, I am really sorry, I wish I'd known; I wish I could have done something".'

'I told my mother about this man having sex with me and she thought that was really nice that I had found a friend. Someone once said to me a while back, "Didn't it ever occur to her that this guy is an older man and he is having sex with you?" My mother is a fruitcake.'

'Well I actually told my cousins and they came down and told my mum and dad. It didn't go down too well. She turned around, "Don't you ever go to anyone else; if you have got a problem you come to me".'

'My mother had trouble dealing with it; she said that she used to pray every night that God would keep all her kids safe. When she found out that I wasn't, that blew her faith straight out the window. She just didn't know how to cope with it, she fell to bits.'

'I told one brother in particular to stay awake until he [the abuser] stopped asking me to come out. Then the next time my mother told me that he was coming to look after us I didn't say anything but I somehow communicated without ever saying anything that I felt uncomfortable with that and then she asked me and I told her. I certainly didn't tell her everything but I told her some things and that was enough for her to say "right that's it". Then she acted upon this. My dad as well. All I was told was that he wouldn't be coming again and that the condition of not reporting him to the police was that he go and get some counselling. My parents took it quite seriously.'

‘It was very hard for me to accept that my grandmother might have known but rather than trying to stop it she actually made it worse by abusing me and blaming me and saying I was dirty and all this kind of stuff.'

‘There wasn't really anyone to tell in one sense; I was like a foster child with my aunt who was my carer/parent figure. My parents were dead and so there wasn't that sense of safety in terms of being able to tell my aunt.'

‘I want to say this is how I feel about my parents, I feel that they didn't do what they should have done. It doesn't matter why, they just didn't do it and that's the bottom line and there is nothing they can do about it now.'

‘I only discovered recently, about three or four years ago, that my father never knew and I always thought for the last 40 years he did know but hadn't said anything. My mother and grandmother knew the next day and apparently elected not to tell my father, I would say because he might have gone absolutely berserk.'

‘The next day I came to tell my mother, I was in pain. She found me red and cleaned me up a bit. After that there was nothing more. They certainly never followed it up with me. I was apparently four years old.'

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