Mothers of sexually abused children speak: Vivien's story

Home: Family & Friends: Caring for Yourself: Vivien's story

This article is written for women and assumes a male offender, however SECASA acknowledges that both men and women can be survivors of sexual abuse and that offenders can be male and female.

This information has been reproduced with the kind permission of the Department of Human Services Victoria. Many of the DHS booklets on this site are no longer available in printed format, but all inquiries should be directed to the Protection and Care Publishing Unit, Department of Human Services Melbourne (03) 9616 7013.

The below sections are extracted from the booklet You and Your Child.

Department of Human Services. (2002).
You and your child- for parents of children who have been sexually abused.
Melbourne, Victoria: Community Care Division.

I had been married thirty years with three children, a son 23 and two daughters 21 and 17, when my youngest made the disclosure, in the form of a letter handed to me, that her father had been sexually abusing her, and had previously abused her older sister. The shock, the mental numbness and confusion cannot be fully described. I no longer knew what to believe. On confronting my husband with the alleged situation, to have him admit that all my daughter had written was true, added more to the confusion. Somehow I had foolishly imagined he would deny it.

I decided to contact my local Community Health Centre, who then referred me to a Family Therapy Centre. My children, all three of them, and I have been receiving counselling. My husband has also been attending separately.

It will take a long time. The far reaching effects are never ending. Daily, issues occur that need to be dealt with - a phrase from an uninformed acquaintance, a question from a neighbour, an advertisement in the media, school/parent situations, family functions, and it just goes on.

I feel as though there has been a death in the family. But it is worse than that, as the person is still here. I had no idea it would feel as it does. Something just dies inside. I guess it is a dying, but not a death. I wish I had been prepared for how I feel - but how can you be prepared for something like this?

For me, the most important factor was to be as strong as I knew how for my daughters - support them until they no longer need such support. There is always a positive aspect in everything, no matter how overwhelming the negatives. I know that all this has brought out the best in my children and me, and that we have a wonderful 'oneness' of which we are all aware and appreciate.

My advice to anyone involved in a child sexual abuse situation would be to seek assistance/ counselling as soon as possible after disclosure. To let time elapse and hope the situation will 'go away' fools no-one and only prolongs the recovery process, mental trauma and suffering being endured by the victim, the non-offending party and associated family members.

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