Other issues for non-offending parents

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When the sexual abuse is intrafamilial, but involving a member of the extended family such as a grandfather or brother, both non-offending parents may need an opportunity to attend counselling and to explore individual, relationship and family issues.

In these situations, as Burgess, Holmstrom and McCausland (1977) have aptly described "... every family member must make a decision to ally himself/herself with either the perpetrator or the victim ..."

For non-offending parents this can lead to divided loyalties. Allegations against an extended family member such as a grandfather can also cause the disintegration of the wider family circle. For example, if the child has been sexually abused by her paternal grandfather, the non-offending father will have issues to resolve. He may require help to resolve these so that he can provide the support the child needs.

Parents also worry whether to tell the child's siblings, teacher and other family members. The child should be involved in deciding who should be told and the child and non-offending parent should agree on the most appropriate method of telling.

It is important that siblings understand why daddy no longer lives with them or grandpa no longer visits. The counsellor can offer information and support to help non-offending parents explain this and suggest that telling the other children about concepts such as good and bad touching may make it easier for them to understand.

It is not uncommon for non-offending parents, particularly mothers, to disclose their own experience of child sexual assault soon after their child's disclosure. If they have never resolved the issues arising from this experience, they may have difficulty providing understanding and support to the child. In such cases intervention should aim to support the mother in dealing with her own abuse and help her to separate her own experience from that of the child.

In this time of uncertainty and insecurity, the main purpose of counselling intervention is to support non-offending parents so that they can better understand and support their child and so that both children and non-offending parents can carry on with their lives.

Burgess, A. W., Holmstrom, L. L., & McCausland, M. P. (1977). Child Sexual Assault by a Family Member: Decisions Following Disclosure. In Victimology: An International Journal, 2, 236-250.

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Gippsland Centre Against Sexual Assault

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