Foreword

Home: Family & Friends: About Your Child: You and your child

Child sexual abuse is more common than we like to think. Children of all ages, from all cultural and from all economic groups are sexually abused. Child sexual abuse is harmful to the child and the harms can be long term if not responded to in a timely and appropriate way.

Child sexual abuse is a crime. It cannot take place without secrecy. Although abusers often develop excuses for their behaviour, they know it is wrong and go to great lengths to hide their behaviour and to keep their victims silent.

Child sexual abuse affects all members of the family as well as the child who has been abused. In particular, if the sexual abuse has occurred within the family and one of the child's parents or a sibling is the abuser, then the parent who did not harm the child is left with a confusing range of feelings and the responsibility to make choices they would never have imagined necessary. It is often difficult for a non-offending parent to know how to act when faced with the news that their child has been sexually abused.

This booklet has been written for non-offending parents of children who have been sexually abused.

Some assumptions have been made about the people who are reading this booklet. Firstly, while the booklet may be helpful for parents whose children have been abused by a stranger, or someone outside their circle of family or friends, the booklet is written for parents of children who have been abused by a parent or other family member, caregiver or someone close to the family.

The booklet is not a comprehensive guide to responding to sibling sexual abuse. Whilst the information in this booklet may help address some of the issues for the child who is being victimized - a key issue being that the child who is being victimized should be made safe - it is not aimed at providing support around the complex dilemmas arising for the child who is using sexually abusive behaviour. Current evidence shows that sibling sexual abuse is possibly more common than adult/child sexual abuse and may have impacts as serious as adult/child sexual abuse. Parents of children where sibling abuse is present may experience complex issues and competing loyalties. Parents should seek help and support from Child Protection, police or sexual assault support services. Therapeutic treatment services for children are established across Victoria. Contact details can be found at the back of this booklet.

Because it is mainly men who abuse children - ninety-eight per cent of abusers are male - it is assumed that most non-offending parents are women. However, there will be some men whose children have been abused by family members or close friends to whom much of the information in this booklet will be relevant.

As a non-offending parent, you probably didn't know that your child was being sexually abused. Most likely, the person who abused your child is a member of your family or someone your family knew and trusted.

This booklet also makes one other important assumption - that the role of the non- offending parent in helping their child's recovery is essential. We believe that without the support of the parent who did not abuse the child, it will be much harder for the child to recover from sexual abuse. Therefore, this booklet has been written to offer you, the non-offending parent, some information about child sexual abuse; what you might expect from your child following the abuse; what feelings you may experience; and what some of the legal implications are for you and your family. This booklet also gives information about sexual abusers.

Reading the booklet may help with some of the choices you will face - choices about who to believe, who to support, who to hold responsible for the abuse and what you can do now. You may find it helpful to share this booklet with other members of your family or friends. Brothers and sisters of the child who has been abused, aunts and uncles, and close friends may benefit from gaining an understanding of the situation for you and your child.

It is hoped that this booklet may be one source of help for both you and for your child's recovery from sexual abuse.

Sponsor

Department of Human Services

Disclaimer Copyright Updated: 11 Jun 2010