How/why children do not tell

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If we have an understanding of why it is so difficult for children to tell about sexual assault we can begin to make it easier for them to do so. When children are sexually assaulted, they often do not understand what is happening but instinctively feel that is wrong. They are confused and terrified about the consequences of telling, both for themselves and the adults around them. They almost always believe it is their fault which effectively ensures the secrecy the offender demands.

In essence the reasons children (and adults too) don't tell are Shame, Blame, Guilt and Fear.

Children may be threatened not just in dramatic ways but often in quite subtle ways, eg. that they will get into trouble. This is a powerful threat to young children.

Children may be threatened with violence to themselves or loved ones including pets, soft toys etc.

Children are naturally curious about bodies and sexual matters. Offenders can use this to involve children and in particular, adolescent boys. Many boys are drawn in by offenders offering to demonstrate ejaculation/oral sex or to show pornography.

Children feel utterly confused if the assaults have been physically pleasurable. Often offenders begin their abuse with gentle genital stimulation to which all children will have a physical reaction to. This does NOT mean that they enjoy the abuse, it means that their bodies respond automatically to stimulation. They lack the necessary information that adults have learnt about sexual arousal so it becomes absolutely terrifying, swamping the child with shame and guilt. Offenders will use this to ensure their victims silence eg telling boys when they get erections that they are enjoying it.

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